So, I’m a romantic
I don’t see love as transitory thought or process
Rather, I see it as an eternal struggle.
The opposing forces aren’t good versus evil,
They are courage versus cowardice.
It starts as a fascination.
The object grows beyond the bounds of normality.
There is something…different, more noticeable about the way she talks, or smiles.
The small things stand out.
They are unknown, so simple, yet so powerful.
We fear that which is strange or foreign
And these fantastical mannerisms or glitter of the eyes can strike an icy stillness over the heart.
Not the stillness of death,
But rather the stillness of hibernation, of waiting for the sun to rise again.
The hibernation is not seasonal like the slumbers of beasts.
Rather, this cold silence is self-imposed
In fear that if the sun shines forth again, there will be pain in the thawing.
To wake is to step out of the wintry cave and bask in the spring sun,
To experience the ticklish pain of thawing flesh and be warmed by healing rays.
The quantification of this feeling cannot be excised by simple words
It is not a part of the body that can be examined on a lab bench.
The feeling is consuming, like a fire, or a whale
Searching for fuel and sustenance,
When the chest warms and a cool shock rattles the limbs
One can taste immortality.
This is far above the sensual pleasure of orgasm,
More fulfilling in a way,
Warmer
Softer
It grasps you in its temporary but immutable grip
Sustained only by thought or a touch
Or by being lost in her eyes
In her breath
In her scent
When she surpasses humanity and becomes an idea
An infection of the mind
Increasing the voltage while shortening the synaptic gap.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Times are Changing...
...and I guess they always are. But every day I see more and more people realizing there is more to life than that what they currently perceive, realizing they are in pain, someone different than who they want to be. Don't worry, I'm psychotic too! Society tends to reaffirm us in pushing away our doubts about the current state of affairs. We are afraid to accept that we feel lost, so as not to be different. Its easier to just blend into the bullshit that we don't believe in than to find ourselves alone. We are driven to bury our doubts, our pain, our discomfort (drugs, sex and rock and roll baby!). Yet nearly everyone I talk to feels disillusioned, they don't know what they want out of life but yet feel like something is missing. I imagine a counterculture where the opposite occurs, where we are instead reaffirmed in confronting our fears, in accepting that we are lost, pursuing discomfort, driven to expand our awareness and live the life deep down we know we must live.
A Broken System
I have been traveling a lot, "chasing the dream" or maybe "living the dream" I don't know which, but sadly I didn't find the time to impart my feelings upon the WWW. Well here is a little Nihilist tinged lament written somewhere in transit.
Honestly I don't know. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to trust. Am I doing the right things? I try to believe yes, or at least trust there is a better way to live abut lately I have been doubting it. The illusion seems so thick, stuck in complete uncertainties never quite sure what is happening. I am full of rhetoric, I end up giving people advice but more and more I feel like there is nothing to anchor me down. So I guess I just try and have faith that there is something that truly matters, something that is really real. The world is calling me out of the dream . But what can I do? This is what I tell myself: simply experience, be the best person you can be, and learn from your experiences. But do I even truly believe that?
Honestly I don't know. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to trust. Am I doing the right things? I try to believe yes, or at least trust there is a better way to live abut lately I have been doubting it. The illusion seems so thick, stuck in complete uncertainties never quite sure what is happening. I am full of rhetoric, I end up giving people advice but more and more I feel like there is nothing to anchor me down. So I guess I just try and have faith that there is something that truly matters, something that is really real. The world is calling me out of the dream . But what can I do? This is what I tell myself: simply experience, be the best person you can be, and learn from your experiences. But do I even truly believe that?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Defense Mechanisms
A little excerpt from A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber that particularly tickled me:
Defense mechanisms, when operationg naturally and normally, are like a psychological immune system. They help maintain the integrity and stability of the self boundary, and they toss out any invaders that threaten the self sytem. But, as always, there can be too much of a good thing. Defense mechanisms can become an auto-immune disorder - the self starts attacking itself, eating itself up. The defending army turns into a repressive state police. The self starts defending against pain and terror by incarcerating its own citizens. It seals of its own potential. It closes its eyes. It starts to lie. No matter what the "level" of this lie - from splitting and fusion and projection to repression and reaction formation and displacement - the self hides from itself, lies to itself, becomes opaque to itself.
In place of the actual self, there grows up the false self.
Defense mechanisms, when operationg naturally and normally, are like a psychological immune system. They help maintain the integrity and stability of the self boundary, and they toss out any invaders that threaten the self sytem. But, as always, there can be too much of a good thing. Defense mechanisms can become an auto-immune disorder - the self starts attacking itself, eating itself up. The defending army turns into a repressive state police. The self starts defending against pain and terror by incarcerating its own citizens. It seals of its own potential. It closes its eyes. It starts to lie. No matter what the "level" of this lie - from splitting and fusion and projection to repression and reaction formation and displacement - the self hides from itself, lies to itself, becomes opaque to itself.
In place of the actual self, there grows up the false self.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Intention
In society today I feel like there is general focus on the effect of our actions. What we do with our lives, how we act as human beings and what the effect of this is on the world. What we don't see is why people act the way they do. Hell, most of the time I can't pinpoint why I do most of the things that I do. There are some interesting effects of this empirical world view. One is, we tend to judge people by what they do. Personally I know how subjective reality can get in my own mind. Sure, in essence the world is the same everyday but the mass of preconceptions and thoughts in my brain throw it in a different light all the time. I don't want to go Nihilist here, I don't believe reality is completely subjective. Ken Wilber talks about cultural awareness and I would have to lean to somewhat of that world view. Its not all perception as a Nihilist would say but I would say reality is relative to personal awareness (which is constantly changing) As my reality changes, so does my reaction to it. That only makes sense right? So by only taking into account the way someone acts in a particular moment we really have no sense about what is going on. They are responding to their current worldview which invariably is at least somewhat different than what we currently perceive. Kinda like accusing someone of murder because you saw them run out of the hotel the murder accured in, when really they were just late for an appointment and asking for directions.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A Feeling
A one, undeniable feeling that denies my lips the ability to stay closed, releasing a huge, joyful smile. A nervous yet increasingly excited sensation fills my gut, spewing an uncertain, desperate, delighted, craving for more. My muscles tighten and my eyes are wide open, a flowing geyser of energy swirling behind my retina. I experience an unbelievable love for the humility that I can feel when candidly inspired. Just a human blissfully awakened by some matter of passion or reason for existence. My attention is focused yet at ease; I am aware. I couldn't be happier. -Anonymous
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Seperating our sins
“All you need is love” a great man once said. Remember this.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Dont know
The Churning of the Ocean
During the samudra manthan (the churning of the ocean) by the Gods and demons, haalaa-hala, a poison, came out of the ocean. It was so toxic, it could have wiped out the entire creation. At this juncture, on the advice of Lord Vishnu , the gods approached Lord Shiva and prayed to him to protect their lives by consuming this poison. Pleased with their prayers, and out of compassion for living beings,Lord Shiva drank the poison but it was so intense that something was required to cool its effects as his throat became blue. Help was taken from Chandra( Moon God ) and finally a snake was placed around his neck which cooled the effect of the poison and the throat became blue.Thus Lord Shiva is also known as Neelakantha.
Shiva is considered the Adi (first) Guru from whom the yogic tradition originates. According to tradition, the planetary positions on this night are such that there is a powerful natural upsurge of energy in the human system. It is said to be beneficial for one's physical and spiritual well being to stay awake and aware throughout the night. On this day, artists from various fields such as music and dance perform the whole night.
The date for Shivaratri in 2009 was 23 February.
Incidentally, I couldnt sleep that night. After wrestling around my bed with my pillow and my sheets for hours, I stayed up till the sun rose and I wrote and I wrote. I couldnt understand what it was. Then I did what I usually do when I am confused, I just shut my mind off and just observed my thoughts. Some thoughts floated by with a little bit of a push by my uncertainty. But then some really strange stuff started happening. I had so much energy being channeled into my mind that I couldnt understand what I was supposed to do. All the different types of thoughts started coming into mind. thoughts of violence,anger, frustration, love,happiness to name a few.And then suddenly when I got to the thoughts of love everything stopped again. As if it was a sign. Saying "hey look! here is what you can focus on.love."
I told myself that I was slowly becoming insane and thinking up of these crazy ideas. I went to bed for the rest of the morning. When I woke up and looked into a mirror I saw something strange. I saw an imprint of the bedsheet that made a distinct heart on my face.
The next Shivratri is in 2010 on February 12th.
During the samudra manthan (the churning of the ocean) by the Gods and demons, haalaa-hala, a poison, came out of the ocean. It was so toxic, it could have wiped out the entire creation. At this juncture, on the advice of Lord Vishnu , the gods approached Lord Shiva and prayed to him to protect their lives by consuming this poison. Pleased with their prayers, and out of compassion for living beings,Lord Shiva drank the poison but it was so intense that something was required to cool its effects as his throat became blue. Help was taken from Chandra( Moon God ) and finally a snake was placed around his neck which cooled the effect of the poison and the throat became blue.Thus Lord Shiva is also known as Neelakantha.
Shiva is considered the Adi (first) Guru from whom the yogic tradition originates. According to tradition, the planetary positions on this night are such that there is a powerful natural upsurge of energy in the human system. It is said to be beneficial for one's physical and spiritual well being to stay awake and aware throughout the night. On this day, artists from various fields such as music and dance perform the whole night.
The date for Shivaratri in 2009 was 23 February.
Incidentally, I couldnt sleep that night. After wrestling around my bed with my pillow and my sheets for hours, I stayed up till the sun rose and I wrote and I wrote. I couldnt understand what it was. Then I did what I usually do when I am confused, I just shut my mind off and just observed my thoughts. Some thoughts floated by with a little bit of a push by my uncertainty. But then some really strange stuff started happening. I had so much energy being channeled into my mind that I couldnt understand what I was supposed to do. All the different types of thoughts started coming into mind. thoughts of violence,anger, frustration, love,happiness to name a few.And then suddenly when I got to the thoughts of love everything stopped again. As if it was a sign. Saying "hey look! here is what you can focus on.love."
I told myself that I was slowly becoming insane and thinking up of these crazy ideas. I went to bed for the rest of the morning. When I woke up and looked into a mirror I saw something strange. I saw an imprint of the bedsheet that made a distinct heart on my face.
The next Shivratri is in 2010 on February 12th.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
All I had to do was shut my mouth
... and the earth took over. The silence was deafening as the earth stood still in its perpetual motion. As I can feel the breath and blood in my body so too did I feel the same substances of life reverberating through the snow covered landscape. I have never felt so at home (i know, cliché...) but I don't mean where one lives, but that home that is talked about when someone is dying and a loved one say's, "he is finally going home." That moment where the mind stops torturing itself with the constant onslaught of useless thoughts and conceptions and stillness can finally be maintained. Except of course, I wasn't dying, or at least not in the physical sense of the word. I tried to breath in the glory of that moment, but my lungs simply did not have the capacity to take it all in. Nervousness took over for a second as stuffed my skins in backpack and lifted the heal clips of my tele skis, and the silence stopped when they snapped onto the back of my boots. But those moments of seperateness fell away when I started flying - hanging on to every turn like it might be my last. No tracks ahead of me, one track behind me, no resistance: simply alive and utterly free.
When I took of my skis when I got to my car, I put the shackles back on, but it wasn't so bad, having touched the world that I knew existed but normally couldn't touch or feel. Until time stops again I will let those moments dangle in my memory. The search continues, my sails are at full mast, and headed full bore into eternity.
When I took of my skis when I got to my car, I put the shackles back on, but it wasn't so bad, having touched the world that I knew existed but normally couldn't touch or feel. Until time stops again I will let those moments dangle in my memory. The search continues, my sails are at full mast, and headed full bore into eternity.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Courage to be
Unless you are a realized being, pain is an inherent part of life. Quote on quote "bad things" will always happen to us. We will make "mistakes" and hurt ourselves and others. Who we want to be and who we are will drift apart. To put in short, like Hayden so eloquently, we will fall. If you kayak you must swim, if you ski you must crash, if you live you must fall. Pain is an inherent part of the human experience and no matter how hard we try we will never, ever be able to run from our problems. Yet the pain can be so great that we may not feel capable of facing them.
It is funny actually, what may feel like falling is in actually just realizing that we are already on the ground. It doesn't feel good, but that hard slap to the face deserves to be appreciated. I cheated on a girl once. When I finally realized what I did, what really struck me was not that what I did was a self-serving, selfish thing to do but instead the realization that I was selfish and self-serving.
Before we can start walking again, we have to stand up. But standing up can be so hard. Where am I supposed to find the courage to look myself in the eyes again and accept myself as something that I do not want to be? I'm with Nietzsche here, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" but I would add, only if we have the courage to accept our situation, otherwise, the pain will kill you and it will be impossible to learn. So now I know when I fall there is no choice: stand up or die.
It is funny actually, what may feel like falling is in actually just realizing that we are already on the ground. It doesn't feel good, but that hard slap to the face deserves to be appreciated. I cheated on a girl once. When I finally realized what I did, what really struck me was not that what I did was a self-serving, selfish thing to do but instead the realization that I was selfish and self-serving.
Before we can start walking again, we have to stand up. But standing up can be so hard. Where am I supposed to find the courage to look myself in the eyes again and accept myself as something that I do not want to be? I'm with Nietzsche here, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" but I would add, only if we have the courage to accept our situation, otherwise, the pain will kill you and it will be impossible to learn. So now I know when I fall there is no choice: stand up or die.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Fall
Everyone falls in life and sometimes we question what we are doing with our lives. In my mind this is the worst place to be in life but this is when the most is learned. Everyone falls and with every fall there is a lesson to be learned. In my life I haven't really had to deal with that many problems but when I do deal with the demons in life the best way to get the picture through is to face the them full front. In the last few weeks I have really learned something about myself, I cannot live a meaningless life. It took me a will to understand that there is more to life than just the mob. People are only people and you are only you.....listen to yourself and don't get caught up in what is not true to you. There are demons that live with us everyday and we must learn to live with them. Most of the demons in our lives are only there because we create them, stay true to yourself.
Everyone falls but we get up. The fall is an important part of life and why we survive and I think that there is only one way....get back up!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Dreams
I dream of endless rock walls that are untouched. I dream of first ascents and new adventures....its that simple. I dream of a life of meaning and care.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I don't know whose voice it was
Whose voice is it ringing me in my head, telling me to change ways? I should be only one person right? Why does it feel like there is someone talking to me? I guess that is an issue in itself but this is what it told me:
It asked me very clearly why am I not the very best I can be. And please reader, know I am not talking about physical and mental abilities or skills. But simply as the way I carry myself as a human being. "You are ridiculous" it scoffed, "absolutely ridiculous." "How can you think your a somebody? And why do you carry yourself like that? What makes you important at all? And why does that even matter to you?" And then the voice charged me like a team of wild horses:
"How dare you hold a perception of someone!
How dare you not love as eternally as humanly possible!
How dare you not live as best as humanly possible!
How dare you not be impeccable with your word and pursue honesty to its fullest extent!
How dare you think anything you have done in the past or plan to do with the future has any significance as to who you are as a human being!"
It is hard to say what it all comes down to, Why do I act the way I do instead of live the way I should? Is everything I do only a struggle to maintain a facade, created to fulfill my self-proclaimed, socially influenced projection of "who I am." Oh god! Now I am starting to wonder, if I am writing this well, I am going to send it to you right? So that means I am still just feeding my facade... Of course I have an excuse, I always do. Although I know what I am doing is wrong, it isn't hard to justify my actions and keep myself safe from the onslaught of self-reflection. I know I have no way to apologize to the world for everything I have done all of the years. All I can do is immediately and absolutely change my ways. But then I wonder how deep does the addiction run? Can I even do it? It seems simple really, all I have to do is STOP. But do I have the courage to let down the shield? And let myself stand naked...
...as nothing but a human being.
It asked me very clearly why am I not the very best I can be. And please reader, know I am not talking about physical and mental abilities or skills. But simply as the way I carry myself as a human being. "You are ridiculous" it scoffed, "absolutely ridiculous." "How can you think your a somebody? And why do you carry yourself like that? What makes you important at all? And why does that even matter to you?" And then the voice charged me like a team of wild horses:
"How dare you hold a perception of someone!
How dare you not love as eternally as humanly possible!
How dare you not live as best as humanly possible!
How dare you not be impeccable with your word and pursue honesty to its fullest extent!
How dare you think anything you have done in the past or plan to do with the future has any significance as to who you are as a human being!"
It is hard to say what it all comes down to, Why do I act the way I do instead of live the way I should? Is everything I do only a struggle to maintain a facade, created to fulfill my self-proclaimed, socially influenced projection of "who I am." Oh god! Now I am starting to wonder, if I am writing this well, I am going to send it to you right? So that means I am still just feeding my facade... Of course I have an excuse, I always do. Although I know what I am doing is wrong, it isn't hard to justify my actions and keep myself safe from the onslaught of self-reflection. I know I have no way to apologize to the world for everything I have done all of the years. All I can do is immediately and absolutely change my ways. But then I wonder how deep does the addiction run? Can I even do it? It seems simple really, all I have to do is STOP. But do I have the courage to let down the shield? And let myself stand naked...
...as nothing but a human being.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Freedom
I am currently reading this book called "Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts, the first paragraph of this book blew me away and I think that it is worth thinking about.
"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instance, while I was chained to the wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody, helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It does not sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it's all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life."
-Gregory David Roberts
As I start to think about my life and the new chapters that will come, I think that the ultimate choice that I have is simply, Freedom. What will you do with it?
"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instance, while I was chained to the wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody, helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It does not sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it's all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life."
-Gregory David Roberts
As I start to think about my life and the new chapters that will come, I think that the ultimate choice that I have is simply, Freedom. What will you do with it?
The Fight
I wrote this ryhme a little bit ago but now it makes more sense to me now so....
When the validity of the theory of relativity is in question
look around yourself , come find me and take my suggestion
and listen carefully to these next couple of words
cause the prophecy is here and here are the passwords
to the questions in our minds, and the unanswered signs,
that we see around us & be beginning to discuss
we can move ahead, instead of wearin' shoes made of lead
we can start to run without a thread or any strings attached
forgetting the times when we were attacked
and make a pact,
that binds u, that reminds us, that rewinds us
to a place of bliss that we miss and reminisce
but dont have to dismiss the idea of togetherness
and i gotta confess, the mess that we are in will not just vanish,
the future will unfold as we act and we wish.
To begin we gotta open our minds to each other,
give love to your sister and your brother,
only together can we stand a chance,
then we can enhance this dance and
begin to advance to our final stance
that will either be remembered forever
or become a useless endeavor
but that doesnt really matter to me
cause the fight to get there will set me free...
When the validity of the theory of relativity is in question
look around yourself , come find me and take my suggestion
and listen carefully to these next couple of words
cause the prophecy is here and here are the passwords
to the questions in our minds, and the unanswered signs,
that we see around us & be beginning to discuss
we can move ahead, instead of wearin' shoes made of lead
we can start to run without a thread or any strings attached
forgetting the times when we were attacked
and make a pact,
that binds u, that reminds us, that rewinds us
to a place of bliss that we miss and reminisce
but dont have to dismiss the idea of togetherness
and i gotta confess, the mess that we are in will not just vanish,
the future will unfold as we act and we wish.
To begin we gotta open our minds to each other,
give love to your sister and your brother,
only together can we stand a chance,
then we can enhance this dance and
begin to advance to our final stance
that will either be remembered forever
or become a useless endeavor
but that doesnt really matter to me
cause the fight to get there will set me free...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Life on Earth
Sometimes we forget the wonder of Life,
The stunning harmony of the Universe,
We Fall into the Chasm,
lost in our strife.
Every moment is as great as the next.
For every second since our birth
we have been blessed with life on earth.
They why categorize our moments
into pleasure and pain?
We are part of something greater,
Isn't that a fact?
Everything we do in some way comes back,
The great web of nature does not leave us out,
And indeed that is worth a shout!
We celebrate our birth but that is not enough
What do we get from the presents and stuff?
Why not just celebrate the wonder of life?
The love the laughs and even the strife,
INDEED
Every breath deserves to be celebrated
and every life deserves to be lived.
The stunning harmony of the Universe,
We Fall into the Chasm,
lost in our strife.
Every moment is as great as the next.
For every second since our birth
we have been blessed with life on earth.
They why categorize our moments
into pleasure and pain?
We are part of something greater,
Isn't that a fact?
Everything we do in some way comes back,
The great web of nature does not leave us out,
And indeed that is worth a shout!
We celebrate our birth but that is not enough
What do we get from the presents and stuff?
Why not just celebrate the wonder of life?
The love the laughs and even the strife,
INDEED
Every breath deserves to be celebrated
and every life deserves to be lived.
Monday, February 9, 2009
命
The Chinese cobblestone road would not let me sleep. I had driven it before and still had memories of the winding ruggedness. Just left of the road, large mountains ran miles north and to the right, the ground fell away into the village filled valleys. My driver He shifu and I exchanged words and I struggled to understand his local accent. He was of a local ethnic minority and had been working as a driver for 20 plus years. This particular night, he was driving me two and a half hours through the Tibetan foothills to a small town at the edge of the Jinsha River. We were still only a small distance out and I was already feeling the beat down from my long journey. I struggled to hold conversation in an attempt to keep us both awake but quickly found my head bobbing. With each pothole, terrified, I would jump out of my seat as if to somehow stop an imminent accident. The excitement of the journey was quickly fading and I could feel uneasiness close.
It was in that moment of moment of anxiousness, that a feeling of loneliness overcame me. But the “remedy” to ease my mind “luckily” came quickly. The familiar thoughts friends and family and telling them how epic of a journey I had gone on began to comfort me. And for a moment, I didn’t feel so lonely. I knew however, that it was only temporary relief. These familiar thoughts could only comfort me for so long, before I would quickly be overwhelmed by the situation. But something unexpected happened. The crappy Chinese service road, He Shifu and his interpretable accent, the desolate roadside, the old fashion three-wheeled cars and everything else somehow sucked me in to reality. No longer did I feel like a lonely bystander observing the situation from afar. I felt part of this crazy midnight Chinese scene. No longer did I feel estranged and removed but engaged and full of life. At least for that precious moment, I was no longer living for some distant, intangible future but was living for a very different reason. All that there really was/is, the moment at hand.
It was in that moment of moment of anxiousness, that a feeling of loneliness overcame me. But the “remedy” to ease my mind “luckily” came quickly. The familiar thoughts friends and family and telling them how epic of a journey I had gone on began to comfort me. And for a moment, I didn’t feel so lonely. I knew however, that it was only temporary relief. These familiar thoughts could only comfort me for so long, before I would quickly be overwhelmed by the situation. But something unexpected happened. The crappy Chinese service road, He Shifu and his interpretable accent, the desolate roadside, the old fashion three-wheeled cars and everything else somehow sucked me in to reality. No longer did I feel like a lonely bystander observing the situation from afar. I felt part of this crazy midnight Chinese scene. No longer did I feel estranged and removed but engaged and full of life. At least for that precious moment, I was no longer living for some distant, intangible future but was living for a very different reason. All that there really was/is, the moment at hand.
A Troubled Mind
Whose mind is troubled? Well, what walks on four legs, in the morning, two in the afternoon and three at night?
The Human Mind. The only thing that differs is our reaction to the pain in our lives. We really are not all so different, same earth, same species and all caught in the human experience, and I do not think there is any escaping that until the eagle finally takes us into his beak. Does anyone who is reading this feel themselves absolutely at home? Absolutely free? Or free one day and in chains the next? Who has felt their soul tortured simply on the whim of that oh so tyrannical mind? I know I am not absolutely free, I know I hold myself in bondage and yes, I do occasionally raise the whip. And yes my soul writhes in pain when that happens (why wouldn't it?). If you answered yes to any but the first question count yourself lucky because the first step on the path of freedom is to realize that their indeed chains around our ankles. And that our lives are not all they can be.
In Zen Buddhism they talk about the concept of non-attachment. To me it makes sense, I made those chains around my ankles, (and my soul and mind) by chaining myself to what more or less can be described as an idea of a permanent reality. The choice is attachment, or freedom; attachment seems to be where a lot of pain comes from. Attachments (if my experience of being alive is remotely like yours) are everywhere. Attachment to our perception of reality. Attachment to the things in our lives. Attachment to our perceptions of ourselves. Attachment to events in the past. Attachment to our dreams. So many attachments I sometimes forget to just live my life and let time unfold as it will. But if you want to know what hurts the most, it is when I am feeling bad because of some attachment that isn't going my way and then I become attached to the way I am feeling. Why me? My life sucks. Why do I have to feel like this? What I am coming to see now is: I am feeling this way because I am feeling this way. It is just an emotion (I say that with a grain of salt) my brain acting a certain way at a certain time and in actuality it is not me, but just an experience I am having in that particular moment. In turn it makes sense to enjoy that feeling because who knows? In the next moment I may not have the pleasure of feeling it.
Some final words of wisdom (or at least I think they are).
"You do not even start to consider the truth until everything is possible"
Adyashanti
"What is reality? Is it what you can touch and feel? If so all reality is is a series of chemical responses in your brain" -Morpheus
"If the solution hasn't been to look at yourself, how do you expect to find it anywhere else?"
-Immortal Technique
Pertinent Reading:
Zen Mind Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki
Or you can just watch the Matrix...
The Human Mind. The only thing that differs is our reaction to the pain in our lives. We really are not all so different, same earth, same species and all caught in the human experience, and I do not think there is any escaping that until the eagle finally takes us into his beak. Does anyone who is reading this feel themselves absolutely at home? Absolutely free? Or free one day and in chains the next? Who has felt their soul tortured simply on the whim of that oh so tyrannical mind? I know I am not absolutely free, I know I hold myself in bondage and yes, I do occasionally raise the whip. And yes my soul writhes in pain when that happens (why wouldn't it?). If you answered yes to any but the first question count yourself lucky because the first step on the path of freedom is to realize that their indeed chains around our ankles. And that our lives are not all they can be.
In Zen Buddhism they talk about the concept of non-attachment. To me it makes sense, I made those chains around my ankles, (and my soul and mind) by chaining myself to what more or less can be described as an idea of a permanent reality. The choice is attachment, or freedom; attachment seems to be where a lot of pain comes from. Attachments (if my experience of being alive is remotely like yours) are everywhere. Attachment to our perception of reality. Attachment to the things in our lives. Attachment to our perceptions of ourselves. Attachment to events in the past. Attachment to our dreams. So many attachments I sometimes forget to just live my life and let time unfold as it will. But if you want to know what hurts the most, it is when I am feeling bad because of some attachment that isn't going my way and then I become attached to the way I am feeling. Why me? My life sucks. Why do I have to feel like this? What I am coming to see now is: I am feeling this way because I am feeling this way. It is just an emotion (I say that with a grain of salt) my brain acting a certain way at a certain time and in actuality it is not me, but just an experience I am having in that particular moment. In turn it makes sense to enjoy that feeling because who knows? In the next moment I may not have the pleasure of feeling it.
Some final words of wisdom (or at least I think they are).
"You do not even start to consider the truth until everything is possible"
Adyashanti
"What is reality? Is it what you can touch and feel? If so all reality is is a series of chemical responses in your brain" -Morpheus
"If the solution hasn't been to look at yourself, how do you expect to find it anywhere else?"
-Immortal Technique
Pertinent Reading:
Zen Mind Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki
Or you can just watch the Matrix...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
And Into the Mind Altering Uncomfort-Zone
"It pains me to say this, but pain is what made us" (1). Man, unlike other creatures has the ability to adapt, as opposed to just being able to evolve. If it is colder than our skin can buffer us against on its own, we put on clothes. But, we would never put on clothes unless we had a pressing reason to do so. This too seems like how it works in the mind. It is not until we have experiences outside the scope of our everyday experience that our mind grows. And with it our ability to live with the world.
As don Juan recommends we use the challenges and pain in our lives to push ourselves to impeccability in the way that we live. When faced with challenge we are forced to reach to the extremes of our ability and in essence become stronger human beings. Then, the mental place we were forced into in that particular situation can be translated into our everyday perception.
We have the ability to step outside of our comfort zone. More or less it is a choice we have to make. Am I going to explore the experience of being alive by pushing myself to the boundaries of my own existence, or would I rather push those experiences away and bury those feelings? Eventually we won't have the choice, each and every one of us will confront death and be forced to confront our life (or lack thereof). So instead of staying within my bubble of comfort and perception I strive to accpet the unknown into my life and realize death is always on my right ready to strike.
Go fast, then tele turn.
As don Juan recommends we use the challenges and pain in our lives to push ourselves to impeccability in the way that we live. When faced with challenge we are forced to reach to the extremes of our ability and in essence become stronger human beings. Then, the mental place we were forced into in that particular situation can be translated into our everyday perception.
We have the ability to step outside of our comfort zone. More or less it is a choice we have to make. Am I going to explore the experience of being alive by pushing myself to the boundaries of my own existence, or would I rather push those experiences away and bury those feelings? Eventually we won't have the choice, each and every one of us will confront death and be forced to confront our life (or lack thereof). So instead of staying within my bubble of comfort and perception I strive to accpet the unknown into my life and realize death is always on my right ready to strike.
Go fast, then tele turn.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Progress, Success and
Where am I going? Where are we going? And what is any of it worth in the end? Because the end will come. The only thing I can be certain of is my certain demise.
To be successful, what a futile goal! It is not like it is going to last as the mind and the body rot in the earth. And what of going down in the history books? Now thats eternal life. And wouldn't that feel good to read about all of the good things you have done. Oh wait. But we get recognition in this lifetime too, and isn't it all flattering? You are right, I am truly great. But what if no one hears about what I did? Or worse yet, no one cares? Wait, does that mean my life is only worth what others perceive it to be? We have all seen what a speculative market did to our stock market this past year.
Hmmm... I guess yesterday was about a 3.5 for you, better luck tomorrow : )
To be successful, what a futile goal! It is not like it is going to last as the mind and the body rot in the earth. And what of going down in the history books? Now thats eternal life. And wouldn't that feel good to read about all of the good things you have done. Oh wait. But we get recognition in this lifetime too, and isn't it all flattering? You are right, I am truly great. But what if no one hears about what I did? Or worse yet, no one cares? Wait, does that mean my life is only worth what others perceive it to be? We have all seen what a speculative market did to our stock market this past year.
Hmmm... I guess yesterday was about a 3.5 for you, better luck tomorrow : )
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Who Am I?
We are always comparing what we are with what we think we should be. This measuring of ourselves all the time against someone or something is one of the primary causes of conflict both internal and external. Now why is there any comparison at all? If you do not compare yourself with another you will be what you really are.
-Krishnamurti
-Krishnamurti
Monday, February 2, 2009
A Letter to You
Hello Reader,
I have noticed in my very few years of existence as a human being in the early 21st century that we have all built on our ancestors and kept creating new things that would ensure that we stayed away from thinking about who we are and this in-turn has put us all into a vicious cycle that dis-allows us to get back to thinking about our core values as human brings. What we created as distractions in the first place have become the reason why we live. Distractions like money; institutions like family and society; and conveniences like civilizations have replaced the sole reasons to exist. We have slowly found ourselves adapted to this impure way of living and we simply blame them on other important reasons that were only created by us to keep ourselves busy. Technology, Business, metro political cities are all created only so that we quench out initial thirst of experiencing multiple realities and then eventually move on to figuring out those long lost ideas. Ideas that are complex because of their simplicity. Us, humans have stayed away from them cause of our laziness.
But we are so far away from it now that we have started calling those people who remind us about those initial ideas lunatics. We have slowly and sub-consciously shoved aside all the ideas of peace, harmony and brotherhood all because of our collective laziness.
The human beings have become lazy. They have because they can afford to. Their super-developed brains have made it so they don't even need to meet another soul to connect with them. And no they aren't using love, faith or trust to communicate long distance. they have figured out ways to send their voices across the globe to create the illusion of connection.
The reason behind my unsettled mind is that we have ignored this "issue" when it came up, every-single-time. And we continue to do so. And we will continue to do so for as long as it takes for somebody to stand up against this blur, effectively. I use the word effectively because i think that all the people who have used different methods have all been ineffective. This does not mean that all these tries are meaningless. Actually, one of these methods or some combined together is going to give that somebody the right and effective method. However, there is a huge loop-hole in this whole chain of thought. At least one major loop-hole.
Here it is.
One man is not the solution. When one man starts something the rest follow. That man no longer becomes the cause. everyone involved become the cause. so while we all go to work, school, life we should think to ourselves at least once a day "Am I doing the right thing?"
This will bring us to re-awaken that sub-conscious that is sleeping or should i say taking a nap. We can wake up and all it takes is a slap or a soft whisper.
OK. I guess the real loop-hole is this.
We don't realize that we are one. When one man stands up it means that we all have stood up.
And now all I want you, as a reader, to do is understand the pain that I am feeling in my legs. For I have stood up and am carrying that weight, everybody's weight. Only when the weight is shared can my legs rest. All I have to do is ask myself everyday " am I doing the right thing?" and I stay standing.
And dear reader, I want you to know that I really and truly love you. I hope that you will someday love, the same way I do.
शान्ति and ॐ
ME
I have noticed in my very few years of existence as a human being in the early 21st century that we have all built on our ancestors and kept creating new things that would ensure that we stayed away from thinking about who we are and this in-turn has put us all into a vicious cycle that dis-allows us to get back to thinking about our core values as human brings. What we created as distractions in the first place have become the reason why we live. Distractions like money; institutions like family and society; and conveniences like civilizations have replaced the sole reasons to exist. We have slowly found ourselves adapted to this impure way of living and we simply blame them on other important reasons that were only created by us to keep ourselves busy. Technology, Business, metro political cities are all created only so that we quench out initial thirst of experiencing multiple realities and then eventually move on to figuring out those long lost ideas. Ideas that are complex because of their simplicity. Us, humans have stayed away from them cause of our laziness.
But we are so far away from it now that we have started calling those people who remind us about those initial ideas lunatics. We have slowly and sub-consciously shoved aside all the ideas of peace, harmony and brotherhood all because of our collective laziness.
The human beings have become lazy. They have because they can afford to. Their super-developed brains have made it so they don't even need to meet another soul to connect with them. And no they aren't using love, faith or trust to communicate long distance. they have figured out ways to send their voices across the globe to create the illusion of connection.
The reason behind my unsettled mind is that we have ignored this "issue" when it came up, every-single-time. And we continue to do so. And we will continue to do so for as long as it takes for somebody to stand up against this blur, effectively. I use the word effectively because i think that all the people who have used different methods have all been ineffective. This does not mean that all these tries are meaningless. Actually, one of these methods or some combined together is going to give that somebody the right and effective method. However, there is a huge loop-hole in this whole chain of thought. At least one major loop-hole.
Here it is.
One man is not the solution. When one man starts something the rest follow. That man no longer becomes the cause. everyone involved become the cause. so while we all go to work, school, life we should think to ourselves at least once a day "Am I doing the right thing?"
This will bring us to re-awaken that sub-conscious that is sleeping or should i say taking a nap. We can wake up and all it takes is a slap or a soft whisper.
OK. I guess the real loop-hole is this.
We don't realize that we are one. When one man stands up it means that we all have stood up.
And now all I want you, as a reader, to do is understand the pain that I am feeling in my legs. For I have stood up and am carrying that weight, everybody's weight. Only when the weight is shared can my legs rest. All I have to do is ask myself everyday " am I doing the right thing?" and I stay standing.
And dear reader, I want you to know that I really and truly love you. I hope that you will someday love, the same way I do.
शान्ति and ॐ
ME
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Getting High On Rocks
Climbing to me is much more than just a mindless adrenaline rush, it's a way of life. My name is Hayden Kennedy and I have been lucky enough to find climbing. Climbing is my passion and every day that I am climbing I am completely psyched. To go through life without meaning is a wasted life. That meaning can be climbing, skiing, chess, reading, anything that gives you potent and happy life. When I am climbing all that is in my mind is the next foot hold or the next hand movement. That focus is what really attracts me to climbing. I love the feeling of being in the present and it is hard to have that feeling all the time. This past summer I was in Yosemite, California climbing for a month. Every day and all day was just climbing. My mind was only thinking about climbing and not what I was wearing or how I looked. Sometimes we tend to get caught up in the small things in life and they tear us to pieces. When I am climbing I have no prejudices towards anything or anyone, I am simply just moving up rock.
When it is all said and done there is nothing better than cut up hands, pumped arms and getting high on rocks.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
It's a Lonely World
You can not even start to confront the truth until you realize that anything is a possibility. And which of us truly believes anything and everything is possible? The world as most of us know it is only a fraction of reality. In essence our own world, with that little voice in our heads and a flood of conceptions if not preconceptions of the way things are. And no one else is in your world. On the contrary, everyone is caught in the same personal struggle, their own mind, with no idea of what to do with their lives. I take this from personal experience, and maybe I'm wrong.
Do you take the the red pill and confront that fact that there is more to life than what you perceive on a regular basis? Or do you take the blue pill and choose life's distractions and simply get by? If you choose red, life is a war to find freedom. If you choose blue you deny the fact that life is an illusion, but the dream continues.
Warriors face extinction.
Do you take the the red pill and confront that fact that there is more to life than what you perceive on a regular basis? Or do you take the blue pill and choose life's distractions and simply get by? If you choose red, life is a war to find freedom. If you choose blue you deny the fact that life is an illusion, but the dream continues.
Warriors face extinction.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Evolution of Consciousness
Adyashanti speaking to the spiritual path, how we fear losing our identity, and how as we reach a point of crisis consciousness has the opportunity to spread. Here is the first stage of the interview. If you find it interesting the full interview can be seen here.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
No Expectations
Expectations. As life trudges along the mind gets a better and better sense of "the way things are." We know what it feels like to eat, what it feels like to get up after "too little rest," what a twelve inch powder is like etc. Sure it is our memory and maybe unavoidable in that sense, but what would it feel like to taste ice cream for the first time again? Or see the sun for the first time? It seems like as soon as we pop out the womb we are getting ideas in our head about the "way things are." And thus a reality forms in which we find pleasure in somethings, and pain in others.
Everyday becomes the same. We do the same things because they give us pleasure (or because "we have to") and they give us more or less the same experience. Have you ever fallen in love with a CD or a song and so you listen to all the time and eventually it stops making it feel the way you used to? You expect it to make you feel like it did the first time you heard it; low and behold when you hear those lines "and all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be!" you don't feel the same way. Instead of cherishing that moment for what it is, I compare it to the last time I had that experience. Instead of becoming totally immersed in an experience, we tend to only enjoy it in regards to how much better or worse it was than the last time we experienced it. Another example is when you friend tells how great a movie is, you finally go see it and then it turns out what you thought it was going to be like was eons better than it actually was. With no expectations, no preconceptions, every experience would be new and thus exciting. With no expectations we are sure to be dazzled. And every experience would be taken not as better or worse, but just as an experience with infinite more power than no experience at all.
Everyday becomes the same. We do the same things because they give us pleasure (or because "we have to") and they give us more or less the same experience. Have you ever fallen in love with a CD or a song and so you listen to all the time and eventually it stops making it feel the way you used to? You expect it to make you feel like it did the first time you heard it; low and behold when you hear those lines "and all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be!" you don't feel the same way. Instead of cherishing that moment for what it is, I compare it to the last time I had that experience. Instead of becoming totally immersed in an experience, we tend to only enjoy it in regards to how much better or worse it was than the last time we experienced it. Another example is when you friend tells how great a movie is, you finally go see it and then it turns out what you thought it was going to be like was eons better than it actually was. With no expectations, no preconceptions, every experience would be new and thus exciting. With no expectations we are sure to be dazzled. And every experience would be taken not as better or worse, but just as an experience with infinite more power than no experience at all.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Real Talk
Simply put.
You are alive.
Most likely in complete health.
Living in a country where everything you need to survive and more can easily be obtained.
And blessed to have a future.
There are humans on this earth who can only relate to one or even none of these 4 statements. Think about that when you start to wallow in self-pity.
You are alive.
Most likely in complete health.
Living in a country where everything you need to survive and more can easily be obtained.
And blessed to have a future.
There are humans on this earth who can only relate to one or even none of these 4 statements. Think about that when you start to wallow in self-pity.
Comfort and Stagnation
Life these days can be pretty comfortable, never have to walk to far: we have cars, don't have to do much in order to eat: open the fridge, and most of the time we do not feel like our lives are about to get ended. The physical struggle is gone. And now a days we do not even have to worry about mental pain, or spiritual anguish if you will. You get home after a stressful day, you can just turn on the TV and in turn shut down your brain. If you are over 21 you can crack open a beer, mix a drink and the pain slips away. On a side note...
In the 60's the CIA conducted a broad based experiment in the pursuit of mind control known as MK-Ultra. They tested drugs such as LSD and many other common illicit substances but they settled on Television as the best way to control the masses. (this is just according to one source)
The point is, affluent society provides tons of ways to distract ourselves from pain in our lives. From my observation humans tend to operate out of necessity in regard to discomfort. There is no reason to risk your life in the hunt if there is ample food. You are not just going to run on an injured leg, unless you are being chased by a mountain lion.
e.g. Some years ago I experienced a lot of emotional or spiritual angst, at first I was able to just roll a fatty and drift away from my problems. However the pain in my life came to a point when this was no longer a sufficient remedy and I slipped into clinically diagnosed depression. As I have seen happen to a few people, including myself, I began to question the point of my existence; a questioning that did not occur before the pain of life became to much to bear. In a matter of months my mentality on life underwent a shift as I found new purpose.
Books:
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
The Fire from Within In by Carlos Castaneda
In the 60's the CIA conducted a broad based experiment in the pursuit of mind control known as MK-Ultra. They tested drugs such as LSD and many other common illicit substances but they settled on Television as the best way to control the masses. (this is just according to one source)
The point is, affluent society provides tons of ways to distract ourselves from pain in our lives. From my observation humans tend to operate out of necessity in regard to discomfort. There is no reason to risk your life in the hunt if there is ample food. You are not just going to run on an injured leg, unless you are being chased by a mountain lion.
e.g. Some years ago I experienced a lot of emotional or spiritual angst, at first I was able to just roll a fatty and drift away from my problems. However the pain in my life came to a point when this was no longer a sufficient remedy and I slipped into clinically diagnosed depression. As I have seen happen to a few people, including myself, I began to question the point of my existence; a questioning that did not occur before the pain of life became to much to bear. In a matter of months my mentality on life underwent a shift as I found new purpose.
Books:
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
The Fire from Within In by Carlos Castaneda
Monday, January 19, 2009
Self Importance, and Why I Want to Lose IT
This is one that has been getting at me lately and for a while I did not even realize it. Hell, I think it is always getting at me and I almost never realize it.
It really is painful, maybe the only reason we feel pain besides, in someway shape or form running our body's into something harder than us. Nearly every person thinks of themselves as important in some way, I guess it is a normal (don't argue the definition, i don't even know what it means...) course of matters, it is easy to become the epicenter of our own little universe and put ourselves up on a pedestal. Sure there is depression when one may feel worthless, but this is just a converse example: we only feel worthless because we picture ourselves on a pedestal, which doesn't exist, so we aren't on it.
It really is painful, maybe the only reason we feel pain besides, in someway shape or form running our body's into something harder than us. Nearly every person thinks of themselves as important in some way, I guess it is a normal (don't argue the definition, i don't even know what it means...) course of matters, it is easy to become the epicenter of our own little universe and put ourselves up on a pedestal. Sure there is depression when one may feel worthless, but this is just a converse example: we only feel worthless because we picture ourselves on a pedestal, which doesn't exist, so we aren't on it.
Where I first heard the importance of losing self-importance
My yoga teacher told me to have no expectations. The feeling of self-importance seems to be an ego driven expectation of how others should treat us and what we should be capable of. Which of course leads to a perpetual let down; The feeling of anger because one does not get the treatement he/she deserves; Sorrow because others don't care for us as they "should." And on and on, I am certain I do not grasp all of the ways my ungodly importance affects my life.
Well I guess I am done talking about things I don't understand, and I am going to resume worrying about how I am going to build my self-image tomorrow, feel bad because no one returns my calls, and mope about the standard of living I wish I had. Why ME? Why ME of all people!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Shared Experience
Its a pretty lonely world. Or at least it can be, especially when the goals of your life vier away from the cultural norm. An acquaintance of mine once said, "welcome to the island." And it can sure feel that way, especially when you no longer enjoy things other's pursue and your reason for living everyday is now purely your own. But Shared experience is pivotal to existence! Or at least I would think so because many of the most powerful experiences of my life have taken place with others and after these experiences our relationships are no longer the same. There is nothing more powerful than glimpsing the essence, except I think glimpsing it with other people.
Three of us sharing the experience of jumping a cliff
But its a fine line, or at least it seems so. Other humans can play into my life in strange ways in terms of intention. And I would say most encounters between humans are not as healthy as they could be as the underlying ego plays into all relationships, but there are those moments of blinding brilliance...
Three of us sharing the experience of jumping a cliff
But its a fine line, or at least it seems so. Other humans can play into my life in strange ways in terms of intention. And I would say most encounters between humans are not as healthy as they could be as the underlying ego plays into all relationships, but there are those moments of blinding brilliance...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
First Contact
I remember in talking to my friends in middle school, fantasizing about becoming rich and what our dream house would look like, and driving a Lamborghini etc. It seems silly to me looking back, but why should my dream future have looked any different? It is the American Dream and well I am an American (de los Estados Unidos). Somewhere in my person I doubted this dream, but wasn't "success" the purpose of life? Is it possible happiness didn't look like this?...
Existential strife followed. Luckily for me I made First Contact and talked to someone else who doubted the same dream. And a breath finally came as my life found new purpose. There is more to be found on this man-forsaken planet than being "successful" in the eyes of the social demon. The questions remains, what should I do now? And if not in excess money, where will freedom be found?
Great book that confronts this dilemma: Hope for the Flowers by trina paulus
Existential strife followed. Luckily for me I made First Contact and talked to someone else who doubted the same dream. And a breath finally came as my life found new purpose. There is more to be found on this man-forsaken planet than being "successful" in the eyes of the social demon. The questions remains, what should I do now? And if not in excess money, where will freedom be found?
Great book that confronts this dilemma: Hope for the Flowers by trina paulus
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