Whose voice is it ringing me in my head, telling me to change ways? I should be only one person right? Why does it feel like there is someone talking to me? I guess that is an issue in itself but this is what it told me:
It asked me very clearly why am I not the very best I can be. And please reader, know I am not talking about physical and mental abilities or skills. But simply as the way I carry myself as a human being. "You are ridiculous" it scoffed, "absolutely ridiculous." "How can you think your a somebody? And why do you carry yourself like that? What makes you important at all? And why does that even matter to you?" And then the voice charged me like a team of wild horses:
"How dare you hold a perception of someone!
How dare you not love as eternally as humanly possible!
How dare you not live as best as humanly possible!
How dare you not be impeccable with your word and pursue honesty to its fullest extent!
How dare you think anything you have done in the past or plan to do with the future has any significance as to who you are as a human being!"
It is hard to say what it all comes down to, Why do I act the way I do instead of live the way I should? Is everything I do only a struggle to maintain a facade, created to fulfill my self-proclaimed, socially influenced projection of "who I am." Oh god! Now I am starting to wonder, if I am writing this well, I am going to send it to you right? So that means I am still just feeding my facade... Of course I have an excuse, I always do. Although I know what I am doing is wrong, it isn't hard to justify my actions and keep myself safe from the onslaught of self-reflection. I know I have no way to apologize to the world for everything I have done all of the years. All I can do is immediately and absolutely change my ways. But then I wonder how deep does the addiction run? Can I even do it? It seems simple really, all I have to do is STOP. But do I have the courage to let down the shield? And let myself stand naked...
...as nothing but a human being.
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best piece so far.
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