A little excerpt from A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber that particularly tickled me:
Defense mechanisms, when operationg naturally and normally, are like a psychological immune system. They help maintain the integrity and stability of the self boundary, and they toss out any invaders that threaten the self sytem. But, as always, there can be too much of a good thing. Defense mechanisms can become an auto-immune disorder - the self starts attacking itself, eating itself up. The defending army turns into a repressive state police. The self starts defending against pain and terror by incarcerating its own citizens. It seals of its own potential. It closes its eyes. It starts to lie. No matter what the "level" of this lie - from splitting and fusion and projection to repression and reaction formation and displacement - the self hides from itself, lies to itself, becomes opaque to itself.
In place of the actual self, there grows up the false self.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Intention
In society today I feel like there is general focus on the effect of our actions. What we do with our lives, how we act as human beings and what the effect of this is on the world. What we don't see is why people act the way they do. Hell, most of the time I can't pinpoint why I do most of the things that I do. There are some interesting effects of this empirical world view. One is, we tend to judge people by what they do. Personally I know how subjective reality can get in my own mind. Sure, in essence the world is the same everyday but the mass of preconceptions and thoughts in my brain throw it in a different light all the time. I don't want to go Nihilist here, I don't believe reality is completely subjective. Ken Wilber talks about cultural awareness and I would have to lean to somewhat of that world view. Its not all perception as a Nihilist would say but I would say reality is relative to personal awareness (which is constantly changing) As my reality changes, so does my reaction to it. That only makes sense right? So by only taking into account the way someone acts in a particular moment we really have no sense about what is going on. They are responding to their current worldview which invariably is at least somewhat different than what we currently perceive. Kinda like accusing someone of murder because you saw them run out of the hotel the murder accured in, when really they were just late for an appointment and asking for directions.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A Feeling
A one, undeniable feeling that denies my lips the ability to stay closed, releasing a huge, joyful smile. A nervous yet increasingly excited sensation fills my gut, spewing an uncertain, desperate, delighted, craving for more. My muscles tighten and my eyes are wide open, a flowing geyser of energy swirling behind my retina. I experience an unbelievable love for the humility that I can feel when candidly inspired. Just a human blissfully awakened by some matter of passion or reason for existence. My attention is focused yet at ease; I am aware. I couldn't be happier. -Anonymous
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Seperating our sins
“All you need is love” a great man once said. Remember this.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Dont know
The Churning of the Ocean
During the samudra manthan (the churning of the ocean) by the Gods and demons, haalaa-hala, a poison, came out of the ocean. It was so toxic, it could have wiped out the entire creation. At this juncture, on the advice of Lord Vishnu , the gods approached Lord Shiva and prayed to him to protect their lives by consuming this poison. Pleased with their prayers, and out of compassion for living beings,Lord Shiva drank the poison but it was so intense that something was required to cool its effects as his throat became blue. Help was taken from Chandra( Moon God ) and finally a snake was placed around his neck which cooled the effect of the poison and the throat became blue.Thus Lord Shiva is also known as Neelakantha.
Shiva is considered the Adi (first) Guru from whom the yogic tradition originates. According to tradition, the planetary positions on this night are such that there is a powerful natural upsurge of energy in the human system. It is said to be beneficial for one's physical and spiritual well being to stay awake and aware throughout the night. On this day, artists from various fields such as music and dance perform the whole night.
The date for Shivaratri in 2009 was 23 February.
Incidentally, I couldnt sleep that night. After wrestling around my bed with my pillow and my sheets for hours, I stayed up till the sun rose and I wrote and I wrote. I couldnt understand what it was. Then I did what I usually do when I am confused, I just shut my mind off and just observed my thoughts. Some thoughts floated by with a little bit of a push by my uncertainty. But then some really strange stuff started happening. I had so much energy being channeled into my mind that I couldnt understand what I was supposed to do. All the different types of thoughts started coming into mind. thoughts of violence,anger, frustration, love,happiness to name a few.And then suddenly when I got to the thoughts of love everything stopped again. As if it was a sign. Saying "hey look! here is what you can focus on.love."
I told myself that I was slowly becoming insane and thinking up of these crazy ideas. I went to bed for the rest of the morning. When I woke up and looked into a mirror I saw something strange. I saw an imprint of the bedsheet that made a distinct heart on my face.
The next Shivratri is in 2010 on February 12th.
During the samudra manthan (the churning of the ocean) by the Gods and demons, haalaa-hala, a poison, came out of the ocean. It was so toxic, it could have wiped out the entire creation. At this juncture, on the advice of Lord Vishnu , the gods approached Lord Shiva and prayed to him to protect their lives by consuming this poison. Pleased with their prayers, and out of compassion for living beings,Lord Shiva drank the poison but it was so intense that something was required to cool its effects as his throat became blue. Help was taken from Chandra( Moon God ) and finally a snake was placed around his neck which cooled the effect of the poison and the throat became blue.Thus Lord Shiva is also known as Neelakantha.
Shiva is considered the Adi (first) Guru from whom the yogic tradition originates. According to tradition, the planetary positions on this night are such that there is a powerful natural upsurge of energy in the human system. It is said to be beneficial for one's physical and spiritual well being to stay awake and aware throughout the night. On this day, artists from various fields such as music and dance perform the whole night.
The date for Shivaratri in 2009 was 23 February.
Incidentally, I couldnt sleep that night. After wrestling around my bed with my pillow and my sheets for hours, I stayed up till the sun rose and I wrote and I wrote. I couldnt understand what it was. Then I did what I usually do when I am confused, I just shut my mind off and just observed my thoughts. Some thoughts floated by with a little bit of a push by my uncertainty. But then some really strange stuff started happening. I had so much energy being channeled into my mind that I couldnt understand what I was supposed to do. All the different types of thoughts started coming into mind. thoughts of violence,anger, frustration, love,happiness to name a few.And then suddenly when I got to the thoughts of love everything stopped again. As if it was a sign. Saying "hey look! here is what you can focus on.love."
I told myself that I was slowly becoming insane and thinking up of these crazy ideas. I went to bed for the rest of the morning. When I woke up and looked into a mirror I saw something strange. I saw an imprint of the bedsheet that made a distinct heart on my face.
The next Shivratri is in 2010 on February 12th.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
All I had to do was shut my mouth
... and the earth took over. The silence was deafening as the earth stood still in its perpetual motion. As I can feel the breath and blood in my body so too did I feel the same substances of life reverberating through the snow covered landscape. I have never felt so at home (i know, cliché...) but I don't mean where one lives, but that home that is talked about when someone is dying and a loved one say's, "he is finally going home." That moment where the mind stops torturing itself with the constant onslaught of useless thoughts and conceptions and stillness can finally be maintained. Except of course, I wasn't dying, or at least not in the physical sense of the word. I tried to breath in the glory of that moment, but my lungs simply did not have the capacity to take it all in. Nervousness took over for a second as stuffed my skins in backpack and lifted the heal clips of my tele skis, and the silence stopped when they snapped onto the back of my boots. But those moments of seperateness fell away when I started flying - hanging on to every turn like it might be my last. No tracks ahead of me, one track behind me, no resistance: simply alive and utterly free.
When I took of my skis when I got to my car, I put the shackles back on, but it wasn't so bad, having touched the world that I knew existed but normally couldn't touch or feel. Until time stops again I will let those moments dangle in my memory. The search continues, my sails are at full mast, and headed full bore into eternity.
When I took of my skis when I got to my car, I put the shackles back on, but it wasn't so bad, having touched the world that I knew existed but normally couldn't touch or feel. Until time stops again I will let those moments dangle in my memory. The search continues, my sails are at full mast, and headed full bore into eternity.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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