So, I’m a romantic
I don’t see love as transitory thought or process
Rather, I see it as an eternal struggle.
The opposing forces aren’t good versus evil,
They are courage versus cowardice.
It starts as a fascination.
The object grows beyond the bounds of normality.
There is something…different, more noticeable about the way she talks, or smiles.
The small things stand out.
They are unknown, so simple, yet so powerful.
We fear that which is strange or foreign
And these fantastical mannerisms or glitter of the eyes can strike an icy stillness over the heart.
Not the stillness of death,
But rather the stillness of hibernation, of waiting for the sun to rise again.
The hibernation is not seasonal like the slumbers of beasts.
Rather, this cold silence is self-imposed
In fear that if the sun shines forth again, there will be pain in the thawing.
To wake is to step out of the wintry cave and bask in the spring sun,
To experience the ticklish pain of thawing flesh and be warmed by healing rays.
The quantification of this feeling cannot be excised by simple words
It is not a part of the body that can be examined on a lab bench.
The feeling is consuming, like a fire, or a whale
Searching for fuel and sustenance,
When the chest warms and a cool shock rattles the limbs
One can taste immortality.
This is far above the sensual pleasure of orgasm,
More fulfilling in a way,
Warmer
Softer
It grasps you in its temporary but immutable grip
Sustained only by thought or a touch
Or by being lost in her eyes
In her breath
In her scent
When she surpasses humanity and becomes an idea
An infection of the mind
Increasing the voltage while shortening the synaptic gap.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Times are Changing...
...and I guess they always are. But every day I see more and more people realizing there is more to life than that what they currently perceive, realizing they are in pain, someone different than who they want to be. Don't worry, I'm psychotic too! Society tends to reaffirm us in pushing away our doubts about the current state of affairs. We are afraid to accept that we feel lost, so as not to be different. Its easier to just blend into the bullshit that we don't believe in than to find ourselves alone. We are driven to bury our doubts, our pain, our discomfort (drugs, sex and rock and roll baby!). Yet nearly everyone I talk to feels disillusioned, they don't know what they want out of life but yet feel like something is missing. I imagine a counterculture where the opposite occurs, where we are instead reaffirmed in confronting our fears, in accepting that we are lost, pursuing discomfort, driven to expand our awareness and live the life deep down we know we must live.
A Broken System
I have been traveling a lot, "chasing the dream" or maybe "living the dream" I don't know which, but sadly I didn't find the time to impart my feelings upon the WWW. Well here is a little Nihilist tinged lament written somewhere in transit.
Honestly I don't know. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to trust. Am I doing the right things? I try to believe yes, or at least trust there is a better way to live abut lately I have been doubting it. The illusion seems so thick, stuck in complete uncertainties never quite sure what is happening. I am full of rhetoric, I end up giving people advice but more and more I feel like there is nothing to anchor me down. So I guess I just try and have faith that there is something that truly matters, something that is really real. The world is calling me out of the dream . But what can I do? This is what I tell myself: simply experience, be the best person you can be, and learn from your experiences. But do I even truly believe that?
Honestly I don't know. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to trust. Am I doing the right things? I try to believe yes, or at least trust there is a better way to live abut lately I have been doubting it. The illusion seems so thick, stuck in complete uncertainties never quite sure what is happening. I am full of rhetoric, I end up giving people advice but more and more I feel like there is nothing to anchor me down. So I guess I just try and have faith that there is something that truly matters, something that is really real. The world is calling me out of the dream . But what can I do? This is what I tell myself: simply experience, be the best person you can be, and learn from your experiences. But do I even truly believe that?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Defense Mechanisms
A little excerpt from A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber that particularly tickled me:
Defense mechanisms, when operationg naturally and normally, are like a psychological immune system. They help maintain the integrity and stability of the self boundary, and they toss out any invaders that threaten the self sytem. But, as always, there can be too much of a good thing. Defense mechanisms can become an auto-immune disorder - the self starts attacking itself, eating itself up. The defending army turns into a repressive state police. The self starts defending against pain and terror by incarcerating its own citizens. It seals of its own potential. It closes its eyes. It starts to lie. No matter what the "level" of this lie - from splitting and fusion and projection to repression and reaction formation and displacement - the self hides from itself, lies to itself, becomes opaque to itself.
In place of the actual self, there grows up the false self.
Defense mechanisms, when operationg naturally and normally, are like a psychological immune system. They help maintain the integrity and stability of the self boundary, and they toss out any invaders that threaten the self sytem. But, as always, there can be too much of a good thing. Defense mechanisms can become an auto-immune disorder - the self starts attacking itself, eating itself up. The defending army turns into a repressive state police. The self starts defending against pain and terror by incarcerating its own citizens. It seals of its own potential. It closes its eyes. It starts to lie. No matter what the "level" of this lie - from splitting and fusion and projection to repression and reaction formation and displacement - the self hides from itself, lies to itself, becomes opaque to itself.
In place of the actual self, there grows up the false self.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Intention
In society today I feel like there is general focus on the effect of our actions. What we do with our lives, how we act as human beings and what the effect of this is on the world. What we don't see is why people act the way they do. Hell, most of the time I can't pinpoint why I do most of the things that I do. There are some interesting effects of this empirical world view. One is, we tend to judge people by what they do. Personally I know how subjective reality can get in my own mind. Sure, in essence the world is the same everyday but the mass of preconceptions and thoughts in my brain throw it in a different light all the time. I don't want to go Nihilist here, I don't believe reality is completely subjective. Ken Wilber talks about cultural awareness and I would have to lean to somewhat of that world view. Its not all perception as a Nihilist would say but I would say reality is relative to personal awareness (which is constantly changing) As my reality changes, so does my reaction to it. That only makes sense right? So by only taking into account the way someone acts in a particular moment we really have no sense about what is going on. They are responding to their current worldview which invariably is at least somewhat different than what we currently perceive. Kinda like accusing someone of murder because you saw them run out of the hotel the murder accured in, when really they were just late for an appointment and asking for directions.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
I mentioned earlier that we have a tendency to think of the effect of actions, only looking at the exterior... But then I wonder what is really the causal factor? Is it what we do? For example, you can say to someone, "thanks a lot" in a gracious tone after they did you a favor. Or you can say, "thanks a lot" in an angry tone after someone just dropped their lunch on you. In both situations the same thing was said, but why and how it was said changed and that completely changed the meaning.
"It is not about what we do, its how we live" (Father Mika). This resonates with me in so many ways. Does it really matter what we do in life? Great things do not matter if they lack good intention. And if our intentions are not good than can we even do great things? What actually has an affect on the cosmos is not our action but the spirit within it. So to me greatness is not illustrated by what we do at all. For example, sending money to Africa because you want to impress someone with your good deed, in contrast to simply smiling at the person you pass on the street because you are filled with love.
To be concerned with our actions is to be concerned with our appearance in the face of society, more or less ego driven. Even if we are trying to be the best people we can be. I ask myself, why is this my goal? To be concerned with our intentions is a concern of the spirit. When it no longer matters what we are doing, when the ego does not control our actions then we can truly live impeccably; no longer boged down but what we think we should do as opposed to what we are doing, no longer consumed by the way we appear, not even trying to do what is right but just simply doing.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A Feeling
A one, undeniable feeling that denies my lips the ability to stay closed, releasing a huge, joyful smile. A nervous yet increasingly excited sensation fills my gut, spewing an uncertain, desperate, delighted, craving for more. My muscles tighten and my eyes are wide open, a flowing geyser of energy swirling behind my retina. I experience an unbelievable love for the humility that I can feel when candidly inspired. Just a human blissfully awakened by some matter of passion or reason for existence. My attention is focused yet at ease; I am aware. I couldn't be happier. -Anonymous
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Seperating our sins
“All you need is love” a great man once said. Remember this.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Separation is defined as the act of keeping apart or dividing. That’s the definition in the dictionary but when it comes to separation amongst ourselves as human beings we forget that we separate ourselves from what we believe in and how we behave. We separate ourselves from everything. We try to create boundaries between ourselves because in some twisted way it makes sense in our heads. We view ourselves as superficial name tags instead of actually connecting ourselves to ourselves. We define ourselves based on our origin or religion or race or class but what we forget is that in actuality we are all humans. I do not understand how we continue to separate ourselves from others and also separate ourselves from ourselves.
In my life I have experienced separateness because of the places I have lived in. I have never lived in the place I was born or around it. I was brought up in many different cultures. No matter where I lived I felt like I was trying to preserve my culture while living in a different culture. These things were a lot easier to see in India because the language and food was different. When I went to the states the issue of separateness became very lost in the smaller differences like the color of my skin or my accent. However I also perpetuated it as I used it to fit in. (kind of ironic)
It is much easier in my eyes to separate ourselves from others as we can find different things that can be different from them. We have seen these acts of separating ourselves in the stories of the Nazi commander who killed hundreds of people and went back and sang his kid to bed. But I have noticed these breaks of morals that we hold true on a daily basis. We intend to do good things but we don’t.
Our separation leads to more separation. When we are separated within we cannot help but separate ourselves from others. However there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we are separating ourselves from ourselves and others and a drastic change in our lifestyle occurs. This transformation doesn’t have to be “epic” or mind-blowing but it does happen in a fashion that if a man were to look at it carefully, it would move him.
I don’t know what it is that makes us do things that are aligned with our morals opposed to why we don’t. But somewhere in our minds we know that point and we hide from it. Because it means sacrifice from our current lifestyles and when someone does reach that point it is usually because they have been put in places where they have hit that point enough times.
But I am really scared. It is really hard for me to think about separation and to feel like things are never going to be peaceful and calm. It is in man’s inherent nature to compete and those emotions get magnified with bad experiences. I think, however, that by slowly changing the way we treat each other we can bring that change. My fear however, is everlastingly being converted to hope. And I believe that even though we might not be able to make the whole world be in complete peace I want to know that I acted from a place of love and compassion from within my heart. A place of love. Because “all you need is love”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)